My Photo   This is my ex-pal, Bernard Kerik. He is a recognizable public figure. I am a private person. I never intended these precious memories to be shared. However, I was threatened my name would be "released" to the press with the malicious intent to "destroy my life".Yes, that happened. I don't need fame, a big house or reality show. A productive, balanced, healthy life are my treasures. This docu-blog rips open the shame blanket of secrets, untruths, distractions, diversions & manipulation. Our relationship, in retrospect, is clearer to me now: Bernard Kerik is a taker and I am a giver. He made me a secret in his life "on the side" and I allowed it until now. My true intent is benevolent healing. The shame of lies, deceit and manipulation are not mine. I take full responsibility for my personal failings in this relationship and the serious consequences resulting. I pray my life will be redeemed and enhanced by the lessons born of the pain. Truth overpowers threats. Secrets keep us "sick". Everything I share is truth based upon personal knowledge, experience, and most often, documents. This is my truth. I hope it sets us all free .....

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

#MyNYPD @BKerikBlog

#MyNYPD Here's my "interaction" with a member of the .@NYPDNews Kinda says it all... 

Bernard Kerik : Bernie Kerik can't stay out of court...

Looks like a busy summer for Bernard Kerik! Instead of spending summer poolside at his $2 million estate, the 8-time convicted felon will be doing what felons do best-go to court! 

Bernie may have to curtail his "volunteer prison reform" free lunch, tv gum-flapping and make-up-the-facts-to-suit-your-talking-points "Poor Bernie Whining Tour" to attend the first pre-trial conference in his malpractice suit against former friend, attorney and business partner, Joe Tacopina. 

I can't believe he's really going through with this ludicrous and desperate litigation! Then again, for a narcissist like Bernie Kerik, even negative attention is still attention....Let the games begin...For felon Bernard Kerik, "public appearances" albeit in court beat getting a real job and working for a living, I suppose. 

Monday, April 21, 2014

Joe Tacopina vs Bernard Kerik :'Joe, I didn't mean to defame you if I did!'

While Bernard Kerik travels the country "pounding flesh" (pun totally intended) preaching self-pity and promoting himself as the great "volunteer" prison and justice reformer, his legal problems continue to fester on the down-low (another pun totally intended).

On 04/17/14 Mr. Tacopina dismissed the defamation complaint against the New York Daily News and it's two reporters, Nathaniel Vinton and Michael O'Keeffe, explicitly stating "but not Bernard Kerik". 

In the usual "Better call Saul" My-friend-is-also-my-lawyer-style, this answer to Plaintiff claim was late (due 04/17/14 yet filed 04/20/14). (P.S. Joe Tacopina was also Bernie's friend and lawyer too. How's that working out for Bernie? Ha!)

In this less than spectacular 10-page answer, Ray Mansolillo on behalf of defendant, Bernard Kerik, denied most claims and expressed lack of evidence on others. However, the "Sixth Affirmative Defense" gave me a chuckle. Regarding "Defendants alleged statements, if any were made and were false, were muttered without malice or intent to harm the plaintiff" Hysterical! Isn't that like saying I didn't mean for your nose to run into my fist? 

Well, A-Rod is out of the conversation now so it's reduced to the "grudge match" of Tacopina v. Kerik. Heck yeah, it's personal and there's mega-money on the line!  This should be a good one, y'all! After all the defamation, financial hardship, stress and harassment Bernie et al has deliberately and maliciously perpetrated upon me and my family over the last year, I know there's a special place reserved in Hell for 8-time convicted felon, Bernard Kerik. It is my only wish this defamation case, the resulting media frenzy and the ultimate legal and financial demise of Bernard Kerik will confirm that reservation. 

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Bernard Kerik: The Kim Kardashian of Prison Reform? A Prison Pimp gets a voice on #JusticeReform ?

Eight-time convicted felon and one-time, short-lived, “made” #NYPD Commissioner, Bernard Kerik, now claims to be the “voice” of  justice reform including prison reform. Bernie truly believes his “voice”, alone, is enough to contribute. His only knowledge on the broad subjects of prison reform is derived primarily from Bernard Kerik’s own prison time and present sentence serving three years’ probation. He does nothing but talk. Is that enough? Why is his voice important? Symbolism over Substance is the norm these days.

In my recent blog post, Bernard Kerik on Prison Reform: Wrong, Dumb, Liar or all three? ;Bernie Kerik Unchallenged by Drive-By Media", I detail how wrong or vague Bernard Kerik has been on this subject and the pass the media has given him at every step. Should a man so wrong and uninformed on the topic of justice reform and prison reform genuinely be the “voice”? Undoubtedly, groups like, Charles Koch Institute, Mediaite, NBC News ,  Today Show, Al Jazeera USA, Fox Business News, WABC NY radio and other local media know Bernie Kerik’s name will get recognition, for good or bad, factual or misleading. I suppose the fact Bernard Kerik’s content is misleading and unsupported means very little.

Not all media has been fooled. Check out this YouTube clip posted by Lionel “Kerik v Tacopina”. 

Eight-time convicted felon, serving an additional 3-year probation, Bernie Kerik claims to have no political affiliation nor claims to be tied to any particular organization in endorsing justice reform. Bernard Kerik’s “voice”, by his own admission, is “free”. He claims to take no money or benefit from his new found passion except that he has mentioned he’s writing a book about it. Is there a publisher? Is there an advance on this book? When is the publication date? There appear to be a lot of traveling and free lunches involved so perhaps federal probation officials might wish to double-check those entries on Bernie's next "check-in". (“Federal Probation, Line 1, Sir!”) Bernie Kerik needs to be careful about such money disclosures as "Poor Bernie" claims to be unemployed with his $2 million estate full of liens and only pays the court $250.00/mo restitution. How's that add up? It doesn't! (Federal Probation, line 2, Sir!)

Bernie has been seen on every network and cable news program with the same “Bernie Whining Tour” speech over and over again: draconian, collateral consequences, those poor young black men from DC, 5 grams, on and on…. Should a felon get a chance? Of course. However, a felon who is unapologetic, unrepentant, who continues to scheme, manipulate and conspire should not! A felon who does not ask forgiveness and maintains he was a "target" of the same government to which he is pleading reform should not! I know Bernard Kerik does nothing without a payoff. That’s exactly why Bernie went to prison! The current wave of mandatory minimum reform was started in legislation during the time Bernard Kerik was in prison. Bernie Kerik is certainly not responsible for that movement. Bernard Kerik is most likely hoping for a Presidential Pardon for his “good works”, playing the sympathy card or some other pathetic publicity in order to stay relevant in the news.

Kim Kardashian is said to be known a big ass, a sex tape and, therefore, “famous for being famous”. The implication is the hype surrounding her reverberating public persona results primarily from her ability to attract media attention as opposed to fame derived from any meaningful, legitimate contribution to any field or cause. These days, clicks, sound byte headlines, ratings and tags are the currency promoting more symbolism over substance in our world. Bernard Kerik, during his three years incarceration, manipulated me out of the equivalent of $93,000 worth of support, writing, social media consultation and other expenses. In my personal experience and opinion, he is nothing more than a prison pimp. Bernard Kerik has never apologized nor offered restitution. I've even been met with the most vial harassment by him and his thug friends for telling my truth!  Is this the person you would want as a “voice” for any legitimate cause? What's coming next for Bernard Kerik; reality show or the sex tape? With all apologies to Kim Kardashian, of course....

Friday, April 11, 2014

Fortunate Philandering Felon Bernard Kerik, Conspiracy & Closets: USA v Bernard Kerik

There is yet another motion toward the hari-kari madness and  potential unraveling of the life of Fortunate Felon Bernie Kerik. Federal court records, Southern District of NY show Kerik BFF &  "better call Saul" attorney, Ray Mansolillo, filed a motion requesting a hearing on the matter of releasing the protective order sealing case records in the Fed case against Bernard Kerik. The Motion refers to that $5million defamation case against Kerik et al filed by his former BFF & successful attorney Joe Tacopina. 

Who knows what Bernie hopes to find in the Government's sealed file? Legal speculation cautions all those skeletons marching out of Bernie's closet! Perhaps it's more "symbolism over substance" to offer the appearance of a vast government "persecution-prosecution" against "poor Bernie". 

Apparently these are the lengths Bernie must go to avoid admitting guilt, begging for mercy, getting a real job and moving toward a decent life. It's so much easier to pretend everyone else is wrong, flapping gums on justice reform, calling into Geraldo's local radio gig from his $2Million estate and giving...Ummm.. "interviews" (*cough*) to sweet pretty young reporters in random NYC skyscraper offices. (A Fortunate Daughter "interviewing" a Fortunate Philandering Felon. Can't make this stuff up) I mean, like, don't all convicted poor unemployed persecuted felons on probation do that?

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Bernard Kerik Exclusive Bernie Kerik Exclusive

"Guardian Angel out of the Blue"

“The collateral damage is for life..."

"Punish...but don't destroy them"

"Dying with your eyes open"

"This has nothing to do with me..."

"I'm Done..."

(Everyone wants you to "move on". What they really mean is 'We've taken what we needed from you, shut up & get out of the way. Don't spoil the illusion, the hype, the image or the ratings.')

 “I posted the letters because he [Kerik] 
called me a liar,” wrote the lady in an email, 
asking that her name not be revealed. 
“He was implying I was a ‘crazy, obsessed stalker’ 
who wouldn’t let go. 
Very hurtful (and untrue). 
I want people to know he hasn’t really changed
He needs to make money.
 I suppose lip service to the cause of prison 
reform will keep the money rolling in. 
So be it. 
At least he’ll have less time to obsess on me…”  

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Bernard Kerik: hasn't changed his ways after three years in federal prison...IMHO

"There's a place in you that you must keep inviolate. You must keep it pristine. Clean. So that nobody has a right to curse you or treat you badly. Nobody." - Maya Angelou,

It's totally ironic a "9/11 hero" who was once hailed for protecting life is now so determined to "destroy" mine. And, why a man who wrote he "loved and respected" me "forever and always" would be so determined to hurt and threaten me, my family, my friends and my employment? Secrets. In my opinion and recent painful experience, Bernard Kerik has proven to be an "emotional terrorist" (reference the "Urban Dictionary" definition) in my life. I must also caution a threat from an allegedly "home-confined, supervised" 8-time convicted felon who threatens to "destroy" your life should be taken seriously.  And I do and I will...Bernie once told me no one can control him. Bernard Kerik has shown me who he TRULY is and, today, I believe him....

Bernie once wrote to me I was one of the "few people he trusted in the world" and I was one of the five people "in his inner circle". So you can imagine my hurt when my invitation to his coming home "party" got "lost in the mail". When the glorious day of release arrived (05/28/13), I should have been elated for my "precious Pal" and be in line for a proper welcome home. In hindsight, it was one of the most painful days of my life signaling the beginning of the end for "us". Bernie's manipulation and lies were beaten to the finish line by the truth. Bernard Kerik is a father of daughters. I genuinely pray no man ever uses or disrespects his daughters in the way I've survived being manipulated and threatened by him and dwindling mob of evil-doer friends and vindictive associates....(some of whom may wear a badge or possess a law degree!). I have reported all wrongdoing to appropriate authorities. My understanding is Bernard Kerik is forbidden contact with me directly, in any medium or through third parties. As complainant to this reporting, I voluntarily agreed to cease communication and have fully complied.  I've been asked to remain silent by law enforcement, Bernie's friend/lawyer and by Bernie's evil-doer "associates". This hasn't proven results toward safety and peace so let's try another way..the TRUTH...The open truth harasses twisted souls like Bernard Kerik. This sparks an annoying sense of humanity otherwise void in their lives....

For me, it's now time to take out the trash, emotionally-speaking. As the spirited Wendy Williams (How you doin'?) says, "Let's spill the tea, shall we?" Based upon my own personal and intimate experience, Bernard Kerik is complicated, desperate to be loved and accepted, an uber-controller, maniacally narcissistic, expert manipulator, super-liar and rageaholic. You may be shocked to learn he is immensely insecure with a bad case of run-on sentences and excessive comma usage. Yet, he is "belly-laugh-spotlight-and-microphone-funny". This charming part of his genuine self peeks out only on display when completely safe in his company and secure in surroundings. Bernie is "50-shades" smooth, "CatDaddy" hot, dangerously sexy but lives in an emotionally-retarded world of "quid pro quo" and "cloak and dagger" mixed messages. He has proven to me to have a perverted sense of loyalty and a chameleon-like sliding scale of character and integrity. He has also proven to be one of the best street cops in the world. He can wrestle a bad guy down to the ground fearlessly. However rigorous honesty, emotional or deep commitment and living an authentic life within his means are unfamiliar territory. Frankly, it scares the shit out of him. It renders him paralyzed by compelling lies of omission with a trail of broken hearts and smashed souls in his wake. 

Kerik's sense of right and wrong appears "black and white" for law enforcement work yet seemingly grey in his personal life. This appears to be a classic case of "false self" typically brought on by early-life trauma. He once described to me the status of his current marriage as "being stuck in this long-term thing"...That's really sad news for the Mother of his children and a woman who remains married to him despite the public humiliation of widely reported multiple simultaneous adulterous affairs and his three years away at Federal prison. (Yes, Bernie is the gift that keeps on giving...)

"Kerik's Kryptonite" are money and sex. This is not exactly breaking news as every wrong turn in Kerik's life has been for one or the other. In an environment like prison, stripped of both (at least in terms of heterosexual sex....just sayin) Kerik actually displayed signs of raw human emotions, humility, a conscience as well as a truly rehabilitated loving spirit. However, on May 28, 2013, returning to the same dysfunctional lifestyle allegedly "mobbed" (pun intended) by big-timing, reality show biz, high roller, cyberstalking, bullying friends and neighbors, tired has-been media types, pay-to-play associates (getting rich off of charity and flag waving) with over-inflated expectations of a "comeback bigger than Martha Stewart", combined with the perpetual alleged money pressures, the guy I know as "my precious Pal" vanished. With his final words to me being a cryptic, maniacal threat to "release my name" to the press so as to "destroy" my life! (Yes, all that while boldly wearing that pesky "anklet" on home confinement Federal probation! Now there's some ironic and reckless "self-minded arrogance" on display for ya!) Despite that little black ankle bracelet, believe me, it is my personal experience no one and no entity can control Bernard Kerik. No One. He has a lifetime and well-documented history of "destroying" the lives of many, including those he once claimed to love. 

Bernard Kerik was an integral and important part of my daily life for three years. I remember sweet moments we shared. Daily, at 4pm, during incarceration at Cumberland MD was the prison standing count. Bernie confided in me it was "the most humiliating part of his day". He was confronted with the painful realization a former NYPD Commissioner was now standing in and around convicted felons in prison. It "killed him" as he would say. So every day at 4 pm, I stopped whatever I was doing and sent up a prayer. It was my way of standing with my precious Pal and a moment of each day "shared" with him in a special way. Bernie seemed genuinely moved and seemed grateful by this simple act of love and caring. Simple, BOP-controlled, monitored, communication: sharing thoughts written via letters, calls, emails and visits formed a decent bond which seemed foreign and refreshing to Bernie. 

BB also hated reading the hackneyed description of him in the media as "disgraced". I always told him if he had the dignity and courage to come out of prison a better person, he would be "graced". Bernard Kerik's choice based on my experience is that he's chosen to remain disgraced and it fits. Despite all, this realization is the saddest of all. 

From the moment Bernie regained liberty, truth turned to lies, sweet gestures became manipulating, "controlling" tabs and his controlling obsessive rage replaced benevolence. That humbled inmate recoiled back to that arrogant scheming, ungrateful monster they originally sent to prison. A nightmare...So if you see or hear my name, address, phone, employer or any other identifying information about me, it has been released by Bernie or one of his evil-doers. Please don't participate in his vow to destroy my life. My privacy and dignity are about all I have left but, in my ordinary world, it's more than enough to carry on. 

Bernie's dwindling gang of "friends" and family fall into one of four categories: 
  1. Those "celebrity-types" who hang on to sell something using Kerik;  
  2. The "doormats" or enablers who are stuck and can't quite see through the emotional fog of the Kerik control and manipulation; 
  3. Those hanger-ons hoping to get in on the ticking 15 minutes of Bernie spotlight or in his pants (most are female); 
  4. Those deceived, loyal souls yet to discover the true Bernie whose discovery day of emotional implosion has not yet arrived. 
I am relieved to announce my emancipation from the last of the aforementioned. 

Bernie's incarceration was the worst time in his life yet, ironically, the best time in mine. With almost daily contact, by email, letters, phone calls, our writing and regular visits, Bernie Kerik and I became sweet habits in each other's lives over the last three years of his incarceration. Bernie demanded my presence in his life remain a secret and I , foolishly and reluctantly, agreed to that dysfunctional arrangement. I take responsibility for this lapse in judgment and absolutely deserve that "what were you thinking" criticism. I always felt Bernie took great pride and delight in the fact that he was able to "hide me in plain sight" from the press, most of his family/friends and especially his wife. He had me use Social Media names that masked mine. He forbid me to perform any act or service in my own name including correspondence, research or contact with him outside the BOP that may go public. The drive-by NYC media were so star-struck with Bernie's all-star line-up of visitors, they overlooked the documents and abandoned the "Journalism 101" FOILs that would have simply revealed our exchange of regular visits, email, monetary support, and letters. Although it is ending ugly, withstanding the irony, mixed messages, blurred lines, crushed soul and broken life, I possess a single regret; that I didn't get out before Bernard Kerik and his tiny entourage of harassing, slandering, vicious loyal thug friends created and spun opportunities to attempt to "destroy" my life. I take responsibility for allowing that to occur in my life. However, love, intimacy, loyalty and trust, ultimately, are high-risk ventures no matter the special circumstances.

With a tip of the hat to Carly Simon, Bernie Kerik (and his attorney/friend) will probably think this blog is about him. Nope. Bernie has taken so much from me but he can't have my power, my dignity, my strength or the free-speech offering of my genuine journey. Those are all earned treasures. And, by the way, my free speech, my heart and soul are not bargaining chips in "settlement" amicably among friends...For that, there is no price...not enough money in the world to heal the hurt...Maybe this blog and the release of the truth is a good beginning to the healing and reclaiming of my once private, balanced, functional life. 

I mailed a custom greeting card of encouragement to "BB" (one of my pet names for Bernie) in the Minimum Security Cumberland Federal BOP in Maryland early in his incarceration. He responded by mail with thanks and interest in sharing more. We bonded exchanging tender, intimate inner thoughts through writing and editing new works to be published upon his release. During incarceration, along with our intimate personal relationship, I assisted Bernie with writing, editing, archiving, creating a plan/talking points for re-entry into public life, blogging assistance, legal research, social media organization/consultation, website construction, social visits and financial support (commissary, etc) for the majority of his federal imprisonment. One close mutual friend sarcastically referred to me as "Bernie's Brain". Looking back, that moniker was accurate as Bernie's actual "first draft" writing is shockingly unsophisticated, mundane and usually banking off some other person's idea. Bernie offered granting me writing/editing credits in his future published works. I forwarded all our finished works to him on June 22, 2013. Coincidentally, or maybe not so, our relationship abruptly disintegrated shortly after he had those documents in his possession. Who knows what will happen with my work product? (So the next time your read an article or book you think Bernie wrote, ask him if he had help writing it and did he credit the co-author/editor?)
Over the three years, I supported Bernie in every way, including financial support. It's never been about the money for me. To this day, I've never asked for any reimbursement of any kind at any time. In fact, when I considered Bernie an intimate friend for life, I considered everything a gift from the heart. Now that I realize our relationship was built on nothing but greed, manipulation and control, my view on reparations may change but my stubborn heart is lagging behind that final decision. At the time of giving, all investments (emotional, time, money) were for the long-term and out of a celebration of the goodness BB brought to my life at the time. However, Bernie's attorney/friend recently tried to twist my generous intentions by asserting and insulting me with the legal implication I should "settle" my differences with Bernie by submitting my "expenses" to be reimbursed for the "work" I had done "supporting" Bernie. I can't believe they think matters of the heart can be mended and finalized by throwing money at it! Maybe in Bernie's world, that's how it spins. My world has standards 180 degrees apart. Money doesn't solve everything but as long as Bernie sent his attorney/friend to inquire and/or intimidate...

Bernie was incarcerated for a term of 1107 days, roughly 158 weeks. 

Throughout that time, Bernie and I exchanged communication, in a variety of forms, almost every day. I have both BOP and personal documents in proof: 
  • 135 personally hand written hard copy letters from Bernie to me
  • 150 phone calls to my personal unlisted phone
  • 735 emails
  • 12 round-trip visits approved by BOP. That's 10,320 miles with an average visit usually lasting 3 hours at the most...
  • 108 total documents, Co-written, edited and archived in support of re-release and/or new books by Bernie to be published.
  • Total expenses supporting Bernard Kerik over $93,000 (Including my time and labor in writing, editing, archiving and construction, magazines, postage, phone calls, PACER legal research fees, vacation from day job to visit/support, 12 visits travel-meals-lodging, commissary deposits. 
  • BOP Commissary Deposits $4556.00: Bernie boasted to his friends how he sacrificed by accepting no money for his prison needs from home so his girls can afford to have all they need to enjoy the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed. (I'm guessing he never told anyone he had other means of support from me. Disingenuous is a nice description of that.)
This is an exclusive "docu-blog".  So let's allow the facts & original documents from Bernard Kerik to me tell the truth. 

Below-captioned is a typical letter from Bernie to me. There are about 134 more hard copy snail mails. Those who know him will recognize his handwriting, the standard issue BOP yellow, lined paper and the envelope from BOP postmarked Federal Cumberland mail:

As indicated in the letter, Bernie was very careful with his "instructions" regarding his "privacy". The "stalker" reference was a guard Bernie believed was paying close attention to his communication exchanges. 

As for the intimate and explicit content, I'm not that naive to think I was the only one. The blurred lines sex talk is part of the deal with Bernie. It's part of his grooming process in establishing intimate bonds. It is one of the perverted ways he shows his affection. Who knows how many women received letters like this? That would be a lot of lives to "destroy".....There's just something curious about a man who loves you enough to kiss your nipples one day then threatens to "destroy" your life on another! Go figure! 

The difficult decision to end our relationship came in early July. I thought I could just walk away and heal. My separation from Bernie has been incomplete and interrupted by painful and damaging jabs from Bernie and his small band of thug associates. I lived decades without Bernard Kerik in my life. I choose to return to that pre-Bernie, private, peaceful existence if only he and his evil associates would obey the laws of decency. For a man who claims he wants to be "left alone", he has apparently gone to great lengths to keep tabs on my life. Bernard Kerik and evil associates (one identifying himself in Social Media user name, "John Picciano") have already made bold attempts to "destroy" my life starting with slandering and threatening me on open source Social Media and anonymous cowardly attempts to contact my employer putting my career at risk. (They used to call that slander, aggravated harassment and cyber stalking). Bernie enjoys a good fight. The typical abuser will fight because, love or hate, it's still a desperate way to keep tabs, control, stay connected and/or keep the relationship alive; for good or bad. That's the scary behavior that must cease! I have been told others have suffered through Bernie's exact M.O. I was encouraged to stand strong and walk through it as they had done. I have Angels of Truth on my side. I live by a simple lady-like motto: "Don't you dare kick me when I'm down because when I get up, you're fucked." (My sarcastic sense of humor is a lifeline. Excuse the profanity)

I have and will defend myself and those I love with all appropriate and legal means possible. I maintain my God-given rights to free speech and appropriate opinion in an open forum. I am not Cinderella. I'm a strong woman so I'm not a typical "victim".  I do stand up for myself as well as those who stand for me. Bernie and evil company detest this in any combatant and find it a challenge to win, conquer and crush. They like their women silent, obedient, subordinate, preferably "on their knees" and a bit on the trashy, disposable "doormat" side. I must admit they are doing an admirable job of destroying my life. 

What About Me? Write this down: I am a fat, "mature", hard-working, self-supporting middle class, Leaning In feminist, registered Republican, public school educated, college graduate, former law enforcement, graced sinner with a "regular" present life and a wisdom-baring past too. You're probably gonna hear all that ugly spin from Bernie and his evil-doer thugs when this posts. I am not a whore, stalker, crazy, gold-digger extortionist or any of those false, slanderous, typical cop "nuts and sluts" defensive accusations recently hurled at me and written in open social media sources. In fact, if he had just accepted our separation like a gentleman, apologized and not threatened and acted to "make crazy" in my life, this blog would never have been written nor seen the binary code of the Internet.  

I gave all I had to Bernie: my loyalty, trust, time, concern, support, dedication and love. I was there for him, faithful to his numerous demands, believed in him and stood for him when most others ran in the other direction. Bernard Kerik took my sweet generous genuine spirit, and with his lies, deception and manipulation, turned it ugly, damaged and barren. Yes, I'm sad, deeply hurt and have learned the hard lessons through loss. Yes, my life is being "destroyed" as Bernie threatened and allegedly directed. Yet, my concern and deepest sadness remains with the Bernie I knew from prison who had a single, precious opportunity, upon release from prison, to start life anew with honesty, integrity, dignity and courage. In my opinion and painful experience, he squandered that opportunity. My experience proves he is not changed at all by going to prison.  Even through my own pain, I pity him. It may have been the best comeback story ever....

Once again it is proven the cover-up, secret or lies proved worse than the deed itself. Our relationship, upon release, at my insistence, had simmered to an intimate close friendship. There was nothing of any inappropriate nature to hide at that point. I feel Bernie has lived that "cloak and dagger" lie so many times that he may be unable at this point to manage an honest, open, platonic relationship with anyone, especially a female. Tragic. Some people just like to throw it away. He did. He does. He will.

You may ask if I miss "my Pal" but I have accepted he never really existed at all. All of it has been reduced to the manipulation magic and deception Bernie has mastered all his life. It's as trying to hug an apparition. There were tumultuous times over the last three years, I fought to keep this relationship with Bernie. I agree one must earn their way out before exiting. However, when your livelihood and safety are on the line, it's wise to surrender to the quick get-away. So I bid goodbye to the "Hey You", beautiful long rides that lead to you, E3 coffee, purple plastic chairs, all our words, the intimate signature bxo, waiting all day for that 3-minute phone call, the commissary Drakkar noire cologne on my letters and the "M" Mariah perfume on his...

This blog is all I wish to say at this time. Over-sharing is tedious. I'd rather chew glass than expose myself. I had this suspicion exposing these truths were the impetus of all the threats. This blog was truly my last of all attempts for peace. As the kids say, 'Yup, this shit just got real!'....I am ready to be done and restore the goodness in my life. In the past weeks I have pled directly to Bernie, then his thug friends, then his intimidating friend/attorney, attempted to stand my ground with his evil-doer gang, working day and night correcting slanderous social media sabotage to save my career from lies, reported to his probation, law enforcement and more attorneys to end the threatened destruction of my life. All that hasn't ceased the reverberating personal dismantling mayhem allegedly commanded by Bernard Kerik. Maybe this blog will supply the anecdote to all Bernie's secrets and what's been missing so far: the power and force of truth....

Bernard Kerik pled guilty to multiple felonies admitting he essentially lied, deceived and cheated his own government. Why did I believe he would be true to me? I believe in second chances, redemption, lessons learned and love. Good people have extended that grace to me along the way. I keep all I possess by giving it away. I was wrong. I am paying the price. This, too, shall pass and I pray I will be enriched by the lessons. 

Forgiveness is always part of the plan. That's not going to happen in this post. The wounds are too fresh and the pain still too deep....

So now who do you think should ultimately have a greater concern about being "revealed" to the public? You can decide. 

Thank you for the opportunity to share with you. Thank you for hearing me. 

A simple thank you will never be enough to my sister, who, although physically ailing, is my emotional rock. I know who loves me. Womb to tomb, girl...

Finally, thank you to Len Levitt of for your professionalism, journalistic integrity and humanity. 

My lessons being learned. Healing and recovery begin now....   

Thursday, April 3, 2014

@BKerikBlog : Bernard Kerik v Joe Tacopina reheated dog food casemovesto the Big Apple

@BKerikBlog : Bernard Kerik v Joe Tacopina reheated dog food case moves to the Big Apple. Today, Joe Tacopina was granted his motion in part to move +BernardKerik casefrom Jersey to NYSD. It's all a big show so seems fair it should be in NYC! On with the show..

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Bernard Kerik: Was Bernie Kerik lying then or is he lying now? Case Chronology

Bernard Kerik: Poor Bernie Kerik is not guilty, if you ask him these days. Everyone is wrong or lying except him! So I ask,  "Was Bernie Kerik lying then or is he lying now?" 

Unemployed felon, Bernard Kerik, claims he is victim, targeted by the government and his former lawyer/friend/business partner is a liar. Instead of admitting wrongdoing (which he's formerly plead in court, swearing under oath), Bernie is involved in four legal actions to sue his way into a possible Presidential pardon, some desperately needed cash or, perhaps, satisfy his craving for sympathy, attention and public adoration.

It started with Bernard Kerik filing a "$1 million defamation"case in Newark, New Jersey against his former friend/business partner/lawyer, Joe Tacopina. Bernie claims Joe cheated him and lied to him, contributing to poor Bernie's demise. In other words, it's all Joe Tacopina's fault. How one does defame an 8-time convicted felon who plead out his charges in open Federal court, I don't know. (Seriously?) 

Bernard Kerik plead GUILTY in open court in the Bronx! Here is the original documentation signed by Bernard Kerik in the original Bronx case in question:

Legal revenge was apparently not a new venture or idea of Bernie's. I've known, for about three years, Bernie has had it in for Joe Tacopina as evidenced in the below-captioned emails he wrote to me while in Cumberland MD Federal Prison Camp. Here are the emails calling Joe Tacopina a liar and Bernie requesting from me some media/legal research:

In response to Bernie's defamation case against him, Joe Tacopina, filed his own defamation suit against Bernard Kerik for $5 million, also including the New York Daily News and two alleged conspiring sports (yes, I said sports) reporters, Nathaniel Vinton and Michael O'Keeffe

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Michael Caruso, a former NYC employee and F.O.B. (Friend of Bernie) has an ongoing civil court case (since 08/07/2006) against NYC eta al, claiming he was fired over his Grand Jury testimony which some claim was favorable toward his bud, Bernie Kerik, at the time. The entire case, pretty much, goes back to about 1997 (that's not a typo) is about a conversation over lunch at a pub. It has DiTomassos and a Rudy Guiliani cousin so it's very messy too! Personally, I love "the messy" (inside joke for Bernie). It's a good bet Bernard Kerik will need a new suit to testify in this upcoming jury trial. I can't make this shit up, people!

In perhaps a related matter or in a desperate the "throw the spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks" legal theory, Bernard Kerik files a motion in his closed Federal case to have his entire file unsealed. Dumb. Just Dumb. The sound you hear is the click click click march of all the skeletons marching out of Bernard Kerik's closet! Judd Burstein, Joe Tacopina's lawyer, regarding this motion, was quoted in the media as this was "an act of legal hari-kari for him to want sealed records of his (Kerik) case to be released." Mr. Burstein is probably overjoyed to have these documents at the ready for Joe Tacopina's suit against Bernie Kerik. Talk about Bernie slicing off his nose to spite his face! 

Well, there you have it. Bernard Kerik has an opportunity to be released from prison, humbly apologize, beg forgiveness from the wife, friends, family, mistresses and country to which he lied and cheated for many years, get a job, live quietly in his outer Whitelandia Franklin Lakes NJ "estate" to live a great, authentic life. 

However, it appears he is pretty much back to where he started: Refusing to take responsibility, fight to be right, blame every one except the man in the mirror, continue to lie, lose great friends, waste lots of time and money in court and continue to drag those who care about him through the shame and the emotional humiliating mud of his unemployed, felon, pretend-to-care-about-anyone-but-himself existence.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Bernard Kerik : Joe Tacopina v. Kerik et al Defamation Suit Bernie Kerik counsel MIA? U.S.District Courts NY Southern 1:14-cv-00749-LTS

Bernard Kerik : Joe Tacopina v. Kerik et al Defamation Suit; Bernie Kerik counsel MIA? U.S.District Courts NY Southern 1:14-cv-00749-LTS

Motion Granted to Adjourn Conference and granting extension of time. Responses due by 06/06/14. Replies due by 06/20/14. Motions due by 05/16/14.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Bernard Kerik: You’re Welcome, Bernie

Bernard Kerik recently posted, on his facebook, this sketch. It is a beautiful pencil sketch, created by a fellow prisoner of Bernie’s,  based upon a cherished photograph of Bernie and his son, Joe, which Bernie possesed in prison.  I remember the day Bernie emailed me asking me to receive this coveted work of art in the mail,  frame it, then have it scanned, keeping the .pdf file with all his other writings for Bernie’s release. This was one of the many tasks I performed for my then pal, Bernie, while he was in prison. At the time, it was a labor of love and I was happy to assist.

This coveted and beautiful sketch arrived in a makeshift cardboard "envelope". This rudimentary, although resourceful, packaging is typical of the method in which special items are mailed from federal prison. Also attached here is the “back up” scan I kept in case the original was lost, stolen or destroyed. At the time, from prison, this was a most precious item and I treated it with the most love and care I could conjure.

It was July, 2011 and hot as hell. I remember that day, hustling all over the region attempting the great challenge to find a suitable frame as well as scanner with the highest resolution capable of scanning this odd shaped drawing. I was on a deadline. I had to drive a distance, after the scanning to meet a mutual friend of Bernie in Westchester, NY,  for “the drop-off”. Our friend was going to pick up Hala and Joe and accompany them to the wake and memorial dinner of a fallen detective with whom Bernie has once worked. It was a difficult, sentimental and sad time for Bernie. Knowing Joe would have this framed artwork at this sad time was comforting to Bernie. Bernie's happiness, comfort and safety was always a priority in my life back then. Cindy Adams, always in her snarky tone, wrote about that night in her 07/18/11 column in the New York Post, “HALA Kerik taking husband Bernie Kerik's jail phone call through pasta at Primola”. ( ) Bernie later told me he called Hala that day at dinner after the wake and Joey had received the framed sketch. As always, Bernie was happy and that made me happy too. The backstory always proves better than the tale of snarky, third-party gossip.

It’s strange how drastically the road turns. Today, Bernie Kerik and I are estranged.  Except for the occasional, not so mysterious “anonymous ranting manifests” I receive in the mail, he is not permitted to communicate with me as a condition of his three year supervised felony probation.  I understand he tries to contort the true nature of our very intimate  relationship most likely because he lied about it to most close to him. That’s his story and he tries to stick to it although I suspect those all around him know the truth. It is Bernie’s personal M.O. cycle  in his personal relationships. That is, to get in deep with a person, selfishly use them for their gifts Bernie lacks, then throw them away when that person won’t conform to Bernie’s world of lies and deception. I’ve dubbed it the “cloak and dagger” syndrome of Bernard Kerik. It is a dysfunctional part of Bernie that keeps him from living an authentic life. So sad. That truth of us beat that huge lie to the finish line the day of his release home on 05/28/13. However, it is my truth and was my rigorous reality for the duration of Bernie’s confinement. I do not regret those times. For me, it was a precious and raw time of sweet sharing and the highest form of compassion and loyalty. I enhanced Bernie’s life. It felt damn good at the time. However, there is a hard-fought silver lining. The lessons I’ve learned were meant for my journey. I don’t look back much. I’m not driving that direction these days. However, during rare moments such as this, the detour is a gift. You’re welcome, Bernie….

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Bernard Kerik on Prison Reform: Wrong, Dumb, Liar or all three? ;Bernie Kerik Unchallenged by Drive-By Media

Bernard Kerik on Prison Reform: Wrong, Dumb, Liar or all three? ; Unchallenged by Drive-By Media

Since last November, 2013, when Bernard Kerik began his whining “I’m-not-makin-nothin-off-of-this-prison reform effort”, I’ve heard repeated times the examples Kerik cites supporting prison reform.
Some of these examples Kerik cited were:
  • The guy “who sold a whale’s tool” on EBay
  • The 21 year old marine sniper who sold his night vision goggles on EBay
  • A commercial fisherman who was allegedly in prison with Bernie  who “caught too many fish”
Some of these examples are mentioned in Bernie’s “white paper”.  However, there are no citations to identify these cases nor are there case filing numbers. There aren’t even names cited! Each one of these examples have gone without serious challenge by some of the most respected news journalists and news networks in the business as well as CPAC! The Drive-by media is alive and well and on the side of this eight-time convicted felon and his prison reform agenda.

To put it politely, my own personal experience with Bernard Kerik is that truth is not his strong suit. I can only speculate it was not Kerik’s intention to deliberately deceive the millions of viewers and respected journalists to whom he’s been preaching since his release last May, 2013. From my personal and intimate working relationship with Bernie, I must attest he’s not too bright. He’s loose with the facts. He’s lost without an academic guide, preferably a female, to create the final product.

Bernie is desperate for his Presidential pardon and perks that come with all this prison reform gum smacking so let me assist the nation here. I’ve researched the federal database and supporting internet searches. Based upon my research, I could not find much support for Bernard Kerik’s “truth”……
         The guy “who sold a whale’s tooth on EBay” is probably David Place. Supporting documents show Mr. Place before a “federal jury in Boston convicted him of eight counts including conspiracy and violating a law against trading in illegally captured wildlife” to the tune of $400,000 (that must have been one giant tooth! Ha!) His co-conspirator, who was working from Ukraine, served federal time and was later deported.

·       The “21 year old marine sniper who sold his night vision goggles on EBay” could not be located to the best of my research. However I did locate a very similar case. Douglas Rubsam, 32, who is suspected of stealing military property worth more than $100,000 and selling it via the online auction site, according to court records. Again, those must have been some special goggles at $100,000! Read about it here:
o    By the way, Bernard Kerik made his 9/11 reputation as America’s Top Cop. I am disappointed as all law enforcement and military should be. It is the lives of true heroes in jeopardy should night vision goggles fall into the enemies’ hands in the war on terror in Iraq. Bernard Kerik should know this better than anyone but he’s just dumb and wrong on this point.
       As for the “commercial fisherman who was allegedly in prison with Bernie who “caught too many fish”; I just couldn’t locate this inmate. The case I did find was “John L. Yates, 59, of Holmes Beach, was found with 72 undersized red grouper aboard his commercial fishing vessel, Miss Katie, in federal waters of the Gulf of Mexico”. Instead of bringing in his load to be inspected as the authorities demanded, Mr. Yates commanded his crew to dump them. He served 30 days and is appealing his case.           

I was shocked and disappointed not one journalist challenged Bernard Kerik on his facts. Who really believes a “black kid from DC” would get 10 years prison time for 5 grams worth “nickel” of cocaine? Chances are good it wasn’t his first offense or there were other factors in the case just as the three above-captioned cases.

I would hate to think the agenda of prison reform is cruising by the facts.  But I must ask, is Bernard Kerik’s failure to support his prison reform agenda with legitimate examples mean he’s wrong, dumb, a liar or all three? The viewers and American public deserve to know before the drive-by media hails him a champion of this cause . I learned from painful,  personal experience, to never take Bernard Kerik at his word. It’s not worth even, say, 5 grams…..Perhaps some diligent journalist will ask Bernard Kerik to justify his supporting examples on his prison reform agenda. 

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Bernard Kerik et al : Hero Interrupted; His Irrational DesperateObsessed Desire for Worship & Love

My cherished, quiet, sweet, joyful, balanced and fulfilling life was recently interrupted, once again, allegedly by the eight-time convicted felon on probation and his thug friends aka "Bernard Kerik et al". To the public Bernie is a great pretender touting charity, doing fancy free lunch in NYC, flag-waving and smacking gums on prison reform. Bernard Kerik has shown me the threatening manipulating ugly aggressive unhappy felon he is and I believe him. I've had no direct contact with Bernie since 07/09/13 when he threatened to "destroy my life". I’ve blocked all phone calls, email, text, blog comments, etc. from him and all of our mutual relationships. However, to this day and in violation of his present probation, Bernie continues to attempt to contact me (some may want to say "stalking") allegedly through "friends" in letters to a private address only he knew. Bernie Kerik proves to be incapable of letting go. I'm apparently still renting major space in his head. Yes, it creates a space that is, for me and my family, dysfunctional, anxiety-ridden and unsafe . Yes, he is at risk of violating his three year probation. Yes, it's damn scary he's still attempting to communicate with me.  Yes,  I have every confidence in law enforcement and the Federal Probation authorities to investigate and appropriately punish the perpetrators. I am in receipt of a cryptic and creepy 3-page manifesto composed of a personal, detailed, draconian, dilusional, threatening vile rant against me. The most dangerous and crafty criminals are those angry convicted felons and inner circle thugs who know the law and feel above it, with little left to lose…

Here is the envelope. The ranting ugly manifesto was unsigned with no letterhead and, as shown, lacking return address on the envelope.  Cowards!

The postmark is clear. Needless to say, if anyone knows any information on the composition or mailing of this letter, a potential violation of Bernard Kerik’s probation, please report that information to law enforcement or Federal probation immediately. I certainly would appreciate that. If Bernard Kerik et al are compelled to risk Bernie's liberty and/or have Bernie return to jail, so be it. I'll certainly sign off on that if that's the only option to regain civility and peace in my life.

I pity my former “pal”, Bernard Kerik. Obviously, by his continued public whining and lack of stable employment, his life still sucks and apparently sinking fast. Most felons on probation are required to have steady employment  and positive associations to encourage a productive life. Otherwise, there's too much free time to engage in negative behavior. It's such a waste of a human life squandered by aggressive behaviors encourage by a gang of celebrity thugs, his own narcissism, dysfunction, unproductive time combined with an obsessed, desperate desire to be in the spotlight, worshiped, idolized and loved by the public.  

Bernie always relied on my opinion and best advice. It would do us all a lot of good if I repeat the advice I gave him in consultation while he was imprisoned:

  • Stop doing stupid shit to bring shame on him, family, friends & career prospects!
  • Admit he broke the law, apologize, and commit to living an honest, legitimate, law-abiding life.
  • Make genuine amends and restitution to those he has hurt along the way.

I am a private person. Bernard Kerik chooses to make his living in the public eye. That is indeed a legal distinction. I declare and assert my First Amendment rights to an honest and well cited opinion inclusive in the tradition of free speech. The truth hurts but is also a path to human growth and healing. Bernard Kerik may NOT control me into silence. You see, Bernie wants to craft the story and contort it to suit his needs. He was apparently able to do that in "The Lost Son" but truth wins today. Besides, that's not how history works. Trust and believe, I will always be here to provide the truth backed up with original and exclusive documents written by Bernard Kerik. Bernard Kerik no longer has influence or control over me. That scares him manifesting this anger and rage perpetuated by him and his ugly thug has-been entourage. My concerns are now "on the record". 

Now…back to recapturing and sustaining my great life…

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Bernard Kerik : You've Been Served; Joe Tacopina v. Kerik et al U.S. District Courts NY Southern 1:14-cv-00749-LTS

In recent weeks, the local NYC media has been over sharing the hackneyed allegedly "gratis" speech from Bernard Kerik regarding prison reform. This has been the red herring diverting attention from the real story which is the $5 million defamation lawsuit recently filed Joe Tacopina v. Kerik et al U.S. District Courts NY Southern 1:14-cv-00749-LTS. At particular times, the truth is stranger than fiction and ever so more than a drive-by media soundbite on local NYC news program! Lately, Bernie has assured everyone he is NOT being paid for this sudden passion for the "prison reform" movement. That makes sense. If he makes any income right now, it's probably a sure bet it will be attached if Mr. Tacopina is successful in this defamation lawsuit. Mr. Tacopina has an admirable record. I conclude it may be a happy accident Bernie won't be "able to find work" until this lawsuit is settled. Just sayin... 

Below-captioned are published and filed court documents that make for very interesting reading in themselves.  

Joe Tacopina v. Kerik et al Complaint

Summons in Civil Action Filed

Pre-Trial Conference Set 05/09/14 12:15pm

Stipulation to clarify Defendents (adding reporters, NYDN proper corporate name)RESPONSES due 03/26/14

Order of Admission Pro Hac Vice Attorney Ray Mansolillo for Bernard Kerik

Attachment Supporting document to Order of Admission Pro Hac Vice Attorney Ray A. Mansolillo

Attachment Motion for Admission Pro Hac Vice Attorney Ray A. Mansolillo