My Photo   This is my ex-pal, Bernard Kerik. He is a recognizable public figure. I am a private person. I never intended these precious memories to be shared. However, I was threatened my name would be "released" to the press with the malicious intent to "destroy my life".Yes, that happened. I don't need fame, a big house or reality show. A productive, balanced, healthy life are my treasures. This docu-blog rips open the shame blanket of secrets, untruths, distractions, diversions & manipulation. Our relationship, in retrospect, is clearer to me now: Bernard Kerik is a taker and I am a giver. He made me a secret in his life "on the side" and I allowed it until now. My true intent is benevolent healing. The shame of lies, deceit and manipulation are not mine. I take full responsibility for my personal failings in this relationship and the serious consequences resulting. I pray my life will be redeemed and enhanced by the lessons born of the pain. Truth overpowers threats. Secrets keep us "sick". Everything I share is truth based upon personal knowledge, experience, and most often, documents. This is my truth. I hope it sets us all free .....

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Should felon on probation Bernard Kerik profit off his crime of corruption?

Should felon on probation Bernard Kerik profit off his crime of corruption? Society, at large, and the diminishing trust in the justice system are victims of Bernie Kerik's crime of corruption. The news media and liar felon Bernard Kerik would have you believe "white collar" crime has no victims. Let explore this theory. 

At this time of year all of us are concerned with filing taxes and paying our fair share to the government. Bernard Kerik admitted to cheating his own country and government. Bernard Kerik made millions profiting off of his book and 9/11 "infamy".  He then squandered it all by allegedly cheating on his wife and admittedly cheating his country, lying, stealing, defaming, taking "shortcuts" on home renovations and failure to pay taxes along the way. One would think the leader of the best and largest police department the world would have better integrity. 
NYPD Commissioner September 11th hat Bernard Kerik gave to me
Little published is Bernard Kerik is an eight-time convicted felon who is still serving probation. Bernie's supporters fall all over themselves pleading "he's done his time and paid his debt". Nothing could be further from the truth. Bernard Kerik has probation until May, 2016 and thousand more to pay on this low six figure fine/penalty to the government which is a large part of his punishment. I should add he pays a mere $250.00 per month while living in a $2 million estate collecting a $100,000 pension that can't be seized. I guess the government thinks this is punishment and a deterrent to corruption? 

Bernard Kerik felon criminal punishment
Bernard Kerik felon criminal monthly restitution on probation
Bernard Kerik murdered my soul by manipulating me out of $93,000 in personal financial support and service over three years of his incarceration! Yes, it's true. While Bernard Kerik suffered the shame, public humiliation and disgrace of incarceration, let alone, that of his family, friends, NYPD, City of New York and every 9/11 victim, he continued to deceive, lie and take from me during his incarceration! 
Bernard Kerik Bernie Kerik

Bernard Kerik Bernie Kerik
Bernard Kerik Bernie Kerik
Bernard Kerik Bernie Kerik
Bernard Kerik Bernie Kerik
No one has ever heard Bernard Kerik apologize to anyone. He's only sorry he got caught. He defamed his former great friend and lawyer, Joe Tacopina, in a failed act of "self-impalement" to prove the world he was a target of the government and a victim of selective prosecution by Preet Bharara and the entire Southern District of New York! 
Credit: Threshold editions From Jailer to Jailed Bernard B. Kerik
Bernard Kerik has written a book "From Jailer to Jailed: My Journey from Correction and Police commissioner to Inmate #84888-054) ( to be published March 31, 2015. He boldly places the great shield of NYPD Commissioner and his Bureau Of Prison ID on the cover. I wonder how both those organizations will seize Bernard Kerik's profit off this book to pay his lingering fines to the USA Bernie claims to love so much? It's bad enough this selfish exploitation may be security risks, especially the printing of a seemingly true and exact copy of a federal inmate ID card!  In my opinion and based upon personal experience liar felon cheater deceiver fraudster Bernard Kerik should NOT be allowed to utilize and exploit the good shield of NYPD Commissioner or risk the security of BOP guards in use of replica of secured prison ID! 

Since it is only the truth that serves us, I must ask: Should felon on probation Bernard Kerik profit off his crime of corruption? 

Monday, January 19, 2015

Felon Bernard Kerik media racist rants disappear from YouTube to protect book sales?

Felon Bernard Kerik media racist rants disappear from YouTube to protect book sales?

Felon Bernard Kerik, disgraced corrupt former NYPD Commissioner and inmate, fancies himself as a Democrat champion of justice reform and prison rights. Bernie made a lot of coin and infamy in speeches, travel, writing and media appearances this past year re-crafting his tainted cop 9/11 image. He boasts (using a talking point I crafted for him), “no one in the history of this country with my background or success in police enforcement has been on the other side…No one has the perspective that I have right now in getting to see the system from the inside out..” ( That is true. However to make his point and sell his new book, Bernard Kerik must straddle an honest, politically bi-polar line between Conservative “tough cop” and “justice reform champion”. Since Bernie, himself, claims most felons suffering the “collateral consequences” are “poor black boys” from the urban streets, Bernie must convince black Americans he is authentic in his writing and deeds. Well, based upon my personal experience,  authenticity and honesty are not his strong points, Bernie gave us all whiplash when this liar, felon, fraudster recently came out masquerading as Police Commissioner Bratton on National Cable News Shows. .

In fact, in my personal experience and opinion, Bernard Kerik, despite his disclaimer and assertion his son is "half-Cuban American" Newark cop, like many cops, Bernie Kerik may be a closet racist. During most of my visits with him in Federal prison, he complained about “them” dominating the television with BET videos and basketball. Bernie complained his job in the prison library allowed him to watch more “sophisticated” programming away from “them”. Ok, so not everyone likes BET rap videos or basketball, you say?

Today is Martin Luther King Day and a federal holiday in the United States. Did anyone see our justice reform champion at any service events, on television or even post on the @BernardKerik twitter to honor Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King? Nope. I didn’t either. Certainly Dr. King would have worked for justice reform for those most adversely affected, namely, the young black men serving time in disproportionate numbers in America’s prison. I remind America, Bernard Kerik was like shit on our shoe with media appearances when it came to his recent support of cops like Eric Garner choke hold NYPD monster cop, Daniel Pantaleo and Ferguson Police Mike Brown killer, Darren Wilson.

I was shocked Bernie would not be more sympathetic to the plight of a disabled black felon Eric Garner, choked for selling loosies on the street. I posted on this blog here: “Bernard Kerik Deception Denial and his Racist Rants”

Further evidence occurred recently from a simple post I made on Twitter. It included a link to a YouTube video of Bernard Kerik’s racist rant describing predominately black Ferguson protesters referring to them as “animals” and “savages”.

Bernard Kerik twitter @BKerikBlog 
Mediaite picked up the stark, seemingly racist comments and ran with it here : Fmr. NYPD Commish: Can’t Let People Act Like ‘Savages’ and ‘Animals’ by Matt Wilstein | 12:01 pm, November 25th, 2014

Credit Mediaite Twitter Bernard Kerik CNN animal savages
Credit Mediaite Bernard Kerik CNN animal savages
A few days after my original twitter post, this happened on YouTube. Yes, the video from the link was deleted.

Credit: YouTubeBernard Kerik
Luckily, truth is forever. The link still exists in the land of zero’s and one’s! See what Bernie Kerik didn't want you to see!

Here is the repost of my twitter @BKerikBlog with a working YouTube...
Credit Twitter @BKerikBlog
It is well-known by now, with mounting legal bills, a Federal Tax Lien and a lingering 6-figure fine for his eight-time felony conviction, Bernard Kerik is desperate for money. It appears he’ll play both sides of any fence for any dollar. Bernard Kerik has a book slated to be published on March 31, 2015.  This book has been written to cater to the notion of urban youth, collateral consequences and prison reform. See my post here: "From Jailer to Jailed: How Bernard Kerik manipulated my heart soul and assets from behind Prison Walls" 

No doubt Bernie has just two months to make the appearance of his racial biases disappear. Bernie Kerik could NEVER pass the Paula Deen test! There is no media outlet or polygrapher honest enough to give Bernard Kerik the Paula Deen test. It’s going to take more than deleting a single YouTube Video or harassing/silencing my truth, Bernie. We both know that, don’t we? Bernie, Black America and I are in pain. We are NOT stupid. We all have very good memories and a YouTube account, a picket sign, a blog and, at minimum, the common sense that God gave a Billy goat to recognize a liar, fake, phony, fraudster like you!

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Bernard Kerik, Unarmed Truth, Reality and Justice

"I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality." - Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Honors and is Inspired to justice by Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Via NAACP 

Monday, January 12, 2015

Bernard Kerik Man On a Mission: Fact Check

A Bernard Kerik "From Jailer to Jailed" book press release was apparently reprinted in a recent publication, "BC The Magazine". (

Credit: "Man on a Mission" BC the Mag Bernard Kerik
Now, that's NOT BC as in Boston College but as in Bergen County (NJ)! Felon liar on probation, Bernie Kerik, is big in Jersey, folks. The article, written by sweet Jessica Humphrey-Cintineo reads like a Bernard Kerik Simon and Schuster press release. It is unashamedly unchallenged by basic follow-up and begs fact checking. 

It is interesting to note, Rory McCarthy for "the Guardian" in December 2004, wrote a piece on Bernard Kerik in Iraq with the exact same title "Man On A Mission". 

Credit: "Man on A Mission" Bernard Kerik The "Guardian"
Let's hope the alleged plagiarism isn't intentional! 

Here's some journalistic truth from yours truly as a direct source....

Bernie is quoted in his usual narcissistic, psychopathic banter about his one, only and favorite subject; himself! “I’ve served this country in ways that are unparalleled, and it didn’t make any difference.”...“I worked for this country for 35 years,” said Kerik, 59. “I’ve done heroics on top of heroics."

- Really, Bernie? Doesn't anyone else want to extol your virtues? I guess not.

Credit: "Man on a Mission" BC the Mag Bernard Kerik
“No one in the history of this country with my background or success in police enforcement has been on the other side,” said Kerik. “No one has the perspective that I have right now in getting to see the system from the inside out.” - Do you all like that line because I wrote it! Bernie is using my work product, by evidence of this talking point quote, without my knowledge or compensation! 

Credit: "Man on a Mission" BC the Mag Bernard Kerik
Sweet Jessica goes on to write, "Kerik went from being an American hero to an inmate. Last year, inmate #84888-054 walked out of a Cumberland, Md. federal prison after serving three years and 11 days."..."His third book, “From Jailer to Jailed: My Journey from Correction and Police Commissioner to Inmate #84888-054” will be released in March 2015." - Among emails, phone calls, hand-written letters and regular visits, I had almost daily contact with inmate 8488-054 Bernard Kerik. Any "memoir" of his prison time is incomplete and lies by omission without reference to me and my contact/writing/editing/archiving. Again, Bernie Kerik has been advised not to use my writing from this time without permission or compensation. 

"He’s (Bernie Kerik) currently in the process of creating a national coalition to address criminal justice reform."- Sorry Bernie: J.C. Watts, Jr. was chosen to head the new bipartisan Charles Colson Task Force on Federal Corrections. Bernard Kerik was quickly passed over for this recognized opportunity. Has felon liar on probation Bernard Kerik turned Washington DC Insider Lobbyist? Most crooks begin and resurface in DC or Fox News anyway! Ha!

The article is splattered with Kerik's self-serving old-school unauthorized flikr pics of Bernie with President Bush and Rudy Giuliani. 
Credit: "Man on a Mission" BC the Mag Bernard Kerik
Was this to give the IMPRESSION Bush and Giuliani in any way endorse Kerik these days? Anyone see a comment from President Bush on Bernard Kerik since Bernie's incarceration in 2010? Have you seen Rudy and Bernie share a stage or photo-op since 2009? NOPE! Did sweet Jessica follow up for this absolute puff piece? Of course not! 

"He travels to speak with both local and national groups, and students at college campuses. Recently, he spoke at the University of Vermont, the University of Massachusetts, and Penn State University—in one week.." - From prison, Bernie Kerik vowed to 'make up for everything he missed in prison'... - I suppose a college campus of young pretty things is a good place to start!

"He is also working on a TV series"... - That old line again? Bernie has been "working" on this alleged tv series since before his indictment as referenced by thus New York Daily News article. 

Credit: New York Daily News Bernard Kerik
Bernie has been spewing this crazy crap since at least March, 2009!!

Credit: "Man on a Mission" BC the Mag Bernard Kerik
"...and spends a great deal of time with his wife Hala and two daughters Celine, 14, and Angelina, 12." - What time is left after all Bernie's "fantasies"? Remember during sentencing when Bernie pleaded to Judge Robinson all he lived for was to drive his young daughters to school? What happened to that? 

Yup, liar felon on probation Bernie Kerik is a man on a mission. The question: Is this a mission of Bernie Kerik's self-destruction as his truth is slowly exposed? Stay Tuned.

Credits & Reference Links: 
"Man On A Mission" Guardian by Rory McCarthy

"Man On A Mission" BC the Mag Written by Jessica Humphrey-Cintineo 

@Newsmax_Media: Bernie Kerik: Here's Proof the Bad Old Days are Back

Bernard Kerik Fact Check Here's Proof the Bad Old Days Are Back… @FoxNews @CNN @ @PoliceOne @NJSP @NJSPBA @PoliceOne (

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Bernard Kerik Mourning slain NYPD Officers Ramos and Liu is all about Bernie Kerik

Bernard Kerik's mourning slain NYPD Officers Ramos and Liu is still all about Bernie Kerik! We were all victims of Bernie Kerik's divisive rage-filled rants on Fox News, CNN, New Day and Fox Business Cavuto. Kerik slandered NYC Mayor Bill DeBlasio and said some dumb irrational statements this felon on probation may regret. This NYPD PBA Union Pat Lynch marionette, seemingly charged with hate during these televised rants (where he was mislabeled "Commissioner" and promoted his reverie shell business Bernie Kerik never once paused to actually sent his sympathies to the grieving Ramos or Liu families (during those early appearances). Bernie Kerik topped even his own selfishness by posting a self-serving early Christmas morning Instagram of the memorial for slain Officers Ramos and Liu with, of course, Bernie photobombing the beautiful memorial! (you see a man, right, which appears to be Bernard Kerik)
Credit: Twitter via Instagram @BernardKerik
On Oct 20, 2009, Judge Stephen C. Robinson of Federal District Court in White Plains, according to the New York Times, described defendant Bernard Kerik as a “toxic combination of self-minded focus and arrogance, ..." Bernard Kerik hasn't changed despite prison, public shame and his hackneyed description of his "fall from grace". I submit Bernie Kerik knows nothing of grace.
Credit: Twitter Rest In Peace NYPD Ramos and Liu

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Bernard Kerik Thank You for the Christmas Gifts

Bernard Kerik, thank you for the Christmas Gifts. Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 were spent remembering my then Pal, inmate Bernard Kerik 84888-054. I spent a good deal of my Christmas writing, editing, creating Christmas cards, driving through snow storms to mail them, commissary refills, waiting for phone calls, writing letters, buying magazines to send and happily disappointing family and friends' Christmas celebrations to rearrange my schedule for that all important Christmas visit.

It was my pleasure and choice to serve inmate Bernie Kerik back then. Anyone who has read this blog knows he was simply manipulating me for my work, money and affection. However, in my recovery from Bernie's evil motivations, I have discovered Bernie Kerik did leave me with some gifts.

This is the small blue Christmas tree I lit for Bernie each Christmas. Yes, it's blue. He was depressed over losing his career. At Christmas I sent him a hard copy of it lit each night so he would have hope to remember the good things he's done in his life.

Hope NYPD Blue Christmas tree
It's no coincidence this years little blue tree is upended with all the disunity Bernard Kerik has created with his forceful and raging media rants. It's sad, really. Inmate Bernard Kerik was humble, thoughtful and more self-aware. I do not know the monster we've seen on FoxNews and CNN recently.

Instead I choose to remember the families of Officers Ramos and Liu whose tragic assassination and passing  hopefully will return the legacy of our Christmas hearts. All first responders sacrifice for their profession. It is accepted every day they leave roll call. In spite of those who lack it, I remain: Respect. Honor. Trust. Loyalty. 

Rest in Peace Liu and Ramos
I also waited in that Christmas-time visit line with so many others, especially children waiting to see their inmate. I heard the frustration of their voices about money, lack of phone minutes, cranky kids who have been in the car for hours riding to see their Daddy in prison; All which really screamed, "I miss you, I love you. Why are you in prison away from those you love at Christmas?", Here's to all those inmates' families who miss their loved ones with the unconditional love that just sees their Christmas hearts and not their crimes.

Bernard Kerik hand-written letter Miss you
Bernie also gave me the gift of remembering those who have passed. This year, many families are missing someone forever at their table. I remember Eric Garner, Mike Brown and all family and friends who missing their loved ones. 

Merry Christmas...Pray. Peace. Humanity. Love. Unity....All Lives Matter..... It's my "Grown Up Christmas Wish"  this year

Grown-Up Christmas List  - Amy Grant

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies
Well, I'm all grown-up now
Can you still help somehow?
I'm not a child, but my start still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself, but for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in that blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal our hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end

This is my grown-up Christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown-up Christmas list

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Felon Bernard Kerik honors slain cops by inciting outrage

Felon Bernard Kerik, still on probation as a convicted felon, honors NYPD slain cops by inciting outrage on national television! Talk about fanning the flames of hate and disunity! Felons on probation  shouldn't be allowed to do that but Bernard Kerik has always been a "special case"...

Holding fast to his dwindling fifteen minutes of fame, felon Bernard Kerik left his prison reform agenda behind to masquerade as NYPD Police Commissioner on Fox News. After the tragedy ambush slaying of two NYPD officers, Bernie called for a "day of outrage"! After defaming NYC Mayor DeBlasio asserting the embattled Mayor had "blood on his hands", Kerik continued on with his divisive rant railing against Rev. Al Sharpton and protesters! 

Bernard Kerik was obviously pleased with the attention, for good or bad. Bernie was so wrapped up in his own spectacle he did not send any condolences to the families grieving slain officers: Ofc Rafael Ramos and Ofc Wenjian Liu. May you rest in Peace. End of Duty: December 20, 2014. 
All Lives Matter. Let's work toward peace and justice for all.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Bernard Kerik, Real Thugs Wear Flag Pins

Bernard Kerik, Real Thugs Wear Flag Pins!

Earlier this week, felon Bernard Kerik in a cowardly, disrespectful, nationally-broadcast rant, called the deceased Mike Brown a "Big Huge Thug". 

Read my post about this here: "Bernard Kerik calls Mike Brown a Big Huge Thug"

Millions March NYC protesters seemed to answer back with a demonstration banner "Real Thugs Wear Flag Pins"! 

Credit: Twitter Million March NYC Real Thugs Wear Flag Pins

Credit: CNN State of the Union Bernard Kerik flag pin

Wow, Bernie, I guess the entire nation including the families of Eric Garner and Mike Brown are slow to take your snarky advice to "Get Over It"

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Bernard Kerik calls Mike Brown a Big Huge Thug

Bernard Kerik calls Mike Brown a Big Huge Thug

Desperate for attention and money, felon Bernard Kerik, in Alan Colmes' radio show referred to Ferguson deceased Mike Brown as a "big huge thug". 

Mike Brown was one of those "black boys" about whom disgraced cop felon, Bernard Kerik, earns lucrative pay to advocate and speak. That makes Bernard Kerik a fake, phony, fraudster, hypocrite and a bigger thug than Mike Brown could ever be!

Mike Brown was a young man and someone's son, family, neighbor and friend. Bernard Kerik's disrespect to the deceased too soon in an especially controversial decision shows how desperate Bernard Kerik is for attention. Pathetic. 

It's annoying when media types like Megan Kelly call Bernie "Commissioner". Bernard Kerik disgraced the title! Can you imagine Bratton referring to Mike Brown as a "big huge thug"?

So when Bernard Kerik is out hawking his upcoming book, opining on Justice reform for the "poor black boys" who face mandatory minimums mistakes resulting in collateral consequences, please remind him of that "big huge thug", Mike Brown!  Tell Bernard Kerik to shove his book and shut the fuck up!

We all should be concerned. Bernard Kerik is losing his deportment on-air. Is Bernard Kerik coming undone? History proves that is not followed by very good deeds on his felonious behalf...Stay Tuned and Kudos (inside joke) because Truth is Coming for Bernard Kerik et al very soon!

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Felon on Probation Bernard Kerik is not compelled to pay his literal debt to society

Felon on Probation Bernard Kerik is apparently not compelled to pay his literal debt to society. On 02/23/2010, in the case of USA v Bernard Kerik, Bernard Kerik was sentenced to federal prison followed by three years supervised probation by Judge Stephen C. Robinson and ordered to pay $187,931.00 in restitution. Based upon public court records, since his release from Federal Prison Camp Cumberland MD, on 05/28/13, felon on probation Bernard Kerik has paid only $250.00/month toward this six figure debt. For most average Americans, that will not satisfy a used car note payment! Most felons on probation are compelled to pay their restitution to the maximum!

Felon Bernard Kerik Probation restitution literal debt to society

Felon Bernard Kerik Probation restitution literal debt to society
We’ve all seen Bernard Kerik getting paid for these lucrative national appearances:, Mediaite, NBC News ,  Today Show, Al Jazeera USA, Fox Business News, WABC NY radio, Geraldo Rivera Radio, Megan Kelly, Fox News, Fox and Friends, NewsMaxTV, Kilmeade, CNN, CNN Tonight among other informal national promotion of products such as Taser International (with both tasers and body cameras (manufactured by Taser International).

We’ve all experienced the whiplash of fake phony fraudster Bernard Kerik about face from poor felon in solitary confinement, "cease mandatory minimum champion" to racist disgraced slurring Mayor of NYC, Bill DeBlasio and calling Eric Garner black protesters “animals” and “savages”. Bernard Kerik must be raking in lots of income as I stated in a blog post here a few months ago: Bernard Kerik on Prison Reform: Wrong, Dumb, Liar or all three? ;Bernie Kerik Unchallenged by Drive-By Media. Not bad for a poor felon on probation with those infamous pesky “Collateral Consequences” Bernie squeals about in paid speeches!

So I must challenge the Southern District NY Court and Federal Probation authorities, why isn’t Bernard Kerik compelled to pay his literal debt to society?! Bernard Kerik claims to have millions of dollars in attorney liens from old legal bills on his vast estate in Franklin Lakes, New Jersey but I can find no proof of these liens. It certainly isn’t preventing him from traveling, tailored suits, keeping the deed to his home or doing lunch in NYC.

Bernard Kerik is writing a book for Threshold Editions division of Simon and Schuster. Does Federal Probation not know Bernard Kerik has this vast source of income?

Credit: From Jailer to Jailed Simon and Schuster Felon Bernard Kerik Probation restitution literal debt to society

Perhaps Bernie’s boys in blue at Federal probation or the Southern District of New York are doing him a solid (excuse the Weiner-ism) and looking the other way? It just seems to me that felon on probation, Bernard Kerik, should not be able to critique a system until he has paid his FULL debt to society. 

Monday, December 8, 2014

From Jailer to Jailed How Bernard Kerik manipulated my soul heart and assets from inside his prison walls

From Jailer to Jailed How Bernard Kerik manipulated my soul heart and assets from inside his prison walls

“There’s a place in you that you must keep inviolate. You must keep it pristine. Clean. So that nobody has a right to curse you or treat you badly. Nobody.” – Maya Angelou,

It's totally ironic a "9/11 hero" who was once hailed for protecting life is now so determined to "destroy" mine. And, why a man who wrote he "loved and respected" me "forever and always" would be so determined to hurt and threaten me, my family, my friends and my employment? Secrets. In my opinion and recent painful experience, Bernard Kerik has proven to be an "emotional terrorist" (reference the "Urban Dictionary" definition) in my life. I must also caution a threat from an 8-time convicted felon who threatens to "destroy" your life should be taken seriously.  I do and I will...Bernie once told me no one can control him. Bernard Kerik has shown me who he TRULY is and, today, I believe him....

Bernie once wrote to me I was one of the "few people he trusted in the world" and I was one of the five people "in his inner circle". So you can imagine my hurt when my invitation to his coming home "party" from prison got "lost in the mail". When the glorious day of release arrived (05/28/13), I should have been elated for my "precious Pal" and be in line for a proper welcome home. In hindsight, it was one of the most painful days of my life signaling the beginning of the end for "us". Bernie's manipulation and lies were beaten to the finish line by the truth. Bernard Kerik is a father of daughters. I genuinely pray no man ever uses or disrespects his daughters in the way I've survived being manipulated and threatened by him and dwindling mob of evil-doer friends and vindictive associates.... (some of whom may wear a badge or possess a law degree!). I have reported all wrongdoing to appropriate authorities. My understanding is Bernard Kerik is forbidden contact with me directly, in any medium or through third parties. As complainant to this reporting, I voluntarily agreed to cease communication and have fully complied.  I've been asked to remain silent by law enforcement, Bernie's friend/lawyer and by Bernie's evil-doer "associates". This hasn't proven results toward safety and peace so let's try another way..The TRUTH...The open truth harasses twisted souls like Bernard Kerik. This sparks an annoying sense of humanity otherwise void in their lives....

For me, it's now time to take out the trash, emotionally-speaking. As the spirited Wendy Williams (How you doin'?) says, "Let's spill the tea, shall we?" Based upon my own personal and intimate experience, Bernard Kerik is complicated, desperate to be loved and accepted, an uber-controller, maniacally narcissistic, expert manipulator, super-liar and rageaholic. You may be shocked to learn he is immensely insecure with a bad case of run-on sentences and excessive comma usage. Yet, he is "belly-laugh-spotlight-and-microphone-funny". This charming part of his genuine self peeks out only on display when completely safe in his company and secure in surroundings. Bernie is "50-shades" smooth, "CatDaddy" hot, dangerously sexy but lives in an emotionally-retarded world of "quid pro quo" and "cloak and dagger" mixed messages. He has proven to me to have a perverted sense of loyalty and a chameleon-like sliding scale of character and integrity. He has also proven to be one of the best street cops in the world. He can wrestle a bad guy down to the ground fearlessly. However rigorous honesty, emotional or deep commitment and living an authentic life within his means are unfamiliar territory. Frankly, it scares the shit out of him. It renders him paralyzed by compelling lies of omission with a trail of broken hearts and smashed souls in his wake. 

Kerik's sense of right and wrong appears "black and white" for law enforcement work yet seemingly grey in his personal life. This appears to be a classic case of "false self" typically brought on by early-life trauma. He once described to me the status of his current marriage as "being stuck in this long-term thing"...That's really sad news for the Mother of his children and a woman who remains married to him despite the public humiliation of widely reported multiple simultaneous adulterous affairs and his three years away at Federal prison. (Yes, Bernie is the gift that keeps on giving...)

"Kerik's Kryptonite" is money and sex. This is not exactly breaking news as every wrong turn in Kerik's life has been for one or the other. In an environment like prison, stripped of both (at least in terms of heterosexual sex....just sayin) Kerik actually displayed signs of raw human emotions, humility, a conscience as well as a truly rehabilitated loving spirit. However, on May 28, 2013, returning to the same dysfunctional lifestyle allegedly "mobbed" (pun intended) by big-timing, reality show biz, high roller, cyberstalking, bullying friends and neighbors, tired has-been media types, pay-to-play associates (getting rich off of charity and flag waving) with over-inflated expectations of a "comeback bigger than Martha Stewart", combined with the perpetual alleged money pressures, the guy I know as "my precious Pal" vanished. With his final words to me being a cryptic, maniacal threat to "release my name" to the press so as to "destroy" my life! (Yes, all that while boldly wearing that pesky "anklet" on home confinement Federal probation! Now there's some ironic and reckless "self-minded arrogance" on display for ya!) Despite that little black ankle bracelet, believe me, it is my personal experience no one and no entity can control Bernard Kerik. No One. He has a lifetime and well-documented history of "destroying" the lives of many, including those he once claimed to love. 

Bernard Kerik was an integral and important part of my daily life for three years. I remember sweet moments we shared. Daily, at 4pm, during incarceration at Cumberland MD was the prison standing count. Bernie confided in me it was "the most humiliating part of his day". He was confronted with the painful realization a former NYPD Commissioner was now standing in and around convicted felons in prison. It "killed him" as he would say. So every day at 4 pm, I stopped whatever I was doing and sent up a prayer. It was my way of standing with my precious Pal and a moment of each day "shared" with him in a special way. Bernie seemed genuinely moved and seemed grateful by this simple act of love and caring. Simple, BOP-controlled, monitored, communication: sharing thoughts written via letters, calls, emails and visits formed a decent bond which seemed foreign and refreshing to Bernie. 

Bernard Kerik Hand Written Prison Letter

Bernard Kerik Hand Written Prison Letter

Bernard Kerik Hand Written Prison Letter
BB also hated reading the hackneyed description of him in the media as "disgraced". I always told him if he had the dignity and courage to come out of prison a better person, he would be "graced". Bernard Kerik's choice based on my experience is that he's chosen to remain disgraced and it fits. Despite all, this realization is the saddest of all. 

From the moment Bernie regained liberty, truth turned to lies, sweet gestures became manipulating, "controlling" tabs and his controlling obsessive rage replaced benevolence. That humbled inmate recoiled back to that arrogant scheming, ungrateful monster they originally sent to prison. A nightmare...So if you see or hear my name, address, phone, employer or any other identifying information about me, it has been released by Bernie or one of his evil-doers. Please don't participate in his vow to destroy my life. My privacy and dignity are about all I have left but, in my ordinary world, it's more than enough to carry on. 

Bernie's dwindling gang of "friends" and family fall into one of four categories: 
  1. Those "celebrity-types" who hang on to sell something using Kerik;  
  2. The "doormats" or enablers who are stuck and can't quite see through the emotional fog of the Kerik control and manipulation; 
  3. Those hanger-ons hoping to get in on the ticking 15 minutes of Bernie spotlight or in his pants (most are female); 
  4. Those deceived loyal souls yet to discover the true Bernie whose discovery day of emotional implosion has not yet arrived. 
I am relieved to announce my emancipation from the last of the aforementioned. 

Bernie's incarceration was the worst time in his life yet, ironically, the best time in mine. With almost daily contact, by email, letters, phone calls, our writing and regular visits, Bernie Kerik and I became sweet habits in each other's lives over the last three years of his incarceration. Bernie demanded my presence in his life remain a secret and I, foolishly and reluctantly, agreed to that dysfunctional arrangement. I take responsibility for this lapse in judgment and absolutely deserve that "what were you thinking" criticism. I always felt Bernie took great pride and delight in the fact that he was able to "hide me in plain sight" from the press, most of his family/friends and especially his wife. He had me use Social Media names that masked mine. He forbids me to perform any act or service in my own name including correspondence, research or contact with him outside the BOP that may go public. The drive-by NYC media were so star-struck with Bernie's all-star line-up of visitors; they overlooked the documents and abandoned the "Journalism 101" FOILs that would have simply revealed our exchange of regular visits, email, monetary support, and letters. Although it is ending ugly, withstanding the irony, mixed messages, blurred lines, crushed soul and broken life, I possess a single regret; that I didn't get out before Bernard Kerik and his tiny entourage of harassing, slandering, vicious loyal thug friends created and spun opportunities to attempt to "destroy" my life. I take responsibility for allowing that to occur in my life. However, love, intimacy, loyalty and trust, ultimately, are high-risk ventures no matter the special circumstances.

With a tip of the hat to Carly Simon, Bernie Kerik (and his attorney/friend) will probably think this blog is about him. Nope. Bernie has taken so much from me but he can't have my power, my dignity, my strength or the free-speech offering of my genuine journey. Those are all earned treasures. And, by the way, my free speech, my heart and soul are not bargaining chips in "settlement" amicably among friends...For that, there is no price...not enough money in the world to heal the hurt...Maybe this blog and the release of the truth is a good beginning to the healing and reclaiming of my once private, balanced, functional life. 

I mailed a custom greeting card of encouragement to "BB" (one of my pet names for Bernie) in the Minimum Security Cumberland Federal BOP in Maryland early in his incarceration. He responded by mail with thanks and interest in sharing more. We bonded exchanging tender, intimate inner thoughts through writing and editing new works to be published upon his release. During incarceration, along with our intimate personal relationship, I assisted Bernie with writing, editing, archiving, creating a plan/talking points for re-entry into public life, blogging assistance, legal research, social media organization/consultation, website construction, social visits and financial support (commissary, etc.) for the majority of his federal imprisonment.
 One close mutual friend sarcastically referred to me as "Bernie's Brain". Looking back, that moniker was accurate as Bernie's actual "first draft" writing is shockingly unsophisticated, mundane and usually banking off some other person's idea. Bernie offered granting me writing/editing credits in his future published works. I forwarded all our finished works to him on June 22, 2013. Coincidentally, or maybe not so, our relationship abruptly disintegrated shortly after he had those documents in his possession. Who knows what will happen with my work product? (So the next time your read an article or book you think Bernie wrote, ask him if he had help writing it and did he credit the co-author/editor?)
Over the three years, I supported Bernie in every way, including financial support. It's never been about the money for me. To this day, I've never asked for any reimbursement of any kind at any time. In fact, when I considered Bernie an intimate friend for life, I considered everything a gift from the heart. Now that I realize our relationship was built on nothing but greed, manipulation and control, my view on reparations may change but my stubborn heart is lagging behind that final decision. At the time of giving, all investments (emotional, time, money) were for the long-term and out of a celebration of the goodness BB brought to my life at the time. However, Bernie's attorney/friend recently tried to twist my generous intentions by asserting and insulting me with the legal implication I should "settle" my differences with Bernie by submitting my "expenses" to be reimbursed for the "work" I had done "supporting" Bernie. I can't believe they think matters of the heart can be mended and finalized by throwing money at it! Maybe in Bernie's world, that's how it spins. My world has standards 180 degrees apart. Money doesn't solve everything but as long as Bernie sent his attorney/friend to inquire and/or intimidate...

Bernie was incarcerated for a term of 1107 days, roughly 158 weeks. 

Throughout that time, Bernie and I exchanged communication, in a variety of forms, almost every day. I have both BOP and personal documents in proof: 
  • 135 personally hand written hard copy letters from Bernie to me
  • 150 phone calls to my personal unlisted phone
  • 735 emails
  • 12 round-trip visits approved by BOP. That's 10,320 miles with an average visit usually lasting 3 hours at the most...
  • 108 total documents, Co-written, edited and archived in support of re-release and/or new books by Bernie to be published.
  • Total expenses supporting Bernard Kerik over $93,000 (Including my time and labor in writing, editing, archiving and construction, magazines, postage, phone calls, PACER legal research fees, vacation from day job to visit/support, 12 visits travel-meals-lodging, commissary deposits. 
  • BOP Commissary Deposits $4556.00: Bernie boasted to his friends how he sacrificed by accepting no money for his prison needs from home so his girls can afford to have all they need to enjoy the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed. (I'm guessing he never told anyone he had other means of support from me. Disingenuous is a nice description of that.)
This is an exclusive "docu-blog".  So the facts & original documents from Bernard Kerik will tell the truth. 

Bernard Kerik Hand Written Prison Letter

Bernard Kerik Hand Written Prison Letter

Bernard Kerik Hand Written Prison Letter

Over three years, Bernie wrote about 135 handwritten letters to me (among phone calls, emails and visits). As for the intimate and explicit content, I'm not that naive to think I was the only one. The blurred lines sex talk is part of the deal with Bernie. It's part of his grooming process in establishing intimate bonds. It is one of the perverted ways he shows his affection. Who knows how many women received letters like this? That would be a lot of lives to "destroy".....There's just something curious about a man who loves you enough to kiss your nipples one day then threatens to "destroy" your life on another! Go figure! 

The difficult decision to end our relationship came in early July. I thought I could just walk away and heal. My separation from Bernie has been incomplete and interrupted by painful and damaging jabs from Bernie and his small band of thug associates. I lived decades without Bernard Kerik in my life. I choose to return to that pre-Bernie, private, peaceful existence if only he and his evil associates would obey the laws of decency. For a man who claims he wants to be "left alone", he has apparently gone to great lengths to keep tabs on my life. Bernard Kerik and evil associates (one identifying himself in Social Media user name, "John Picciano") have already made bold attempts to "destroy" my life starting with slandering and threatening me on open source Social Media and anonymous cowardly attempts to contact my employer putting my career at risk. (They used to call that slander, aggravated harassment and cyber stalking). Bernie enjoys a good fight. The typical abuser will fight because, love or hate, it's still a desperate way to keep tabs, control, stay connected and/or keep the relationship alive; for good or bad. That's the scary behavior that must cease! I have been told others have suffered through Bernie's exact M.O. I was encouraged to stand strong and walk through it as they had done. I have Angels of Truth on my side. I live by a simple lady-like motto: "Don't you dare kick me when I'm down because when I get up, you're fucked." (My sarcastic sense of humor is a lifeline. Excuse the profanity)

I have and will defend myself and those I love with all appropriate and legal means possible. I maintain my God-given rights to free speech and appropriate opinion in an open forum. I am not Cinderella. I'm a strong woman so I'm not a typical "victim".  I do stand up for myself as well as those who stand for me. Bernie and evil company detest this in any combatant and find it a challenge to win, conquer and crush. They like their women silent, obedient, subordinate, preferably "on their knees" and a bit on the trashy, disposable "doormat" side. I must admit they are doing an admirable job of destroying my life. 

What about Me? Write this down: I am a fat, "mature", hard-working, self-supporting middle class, Leaning In feminist, registered Republican, public school educated, college graduate, former law enforcement, graced sinner with a "regular" present life and a wisdom-baring past too. You're probably gonna hear all that ugly spin from Bernie and his evil-doer thugs when this posts. I am not a whore, stalker, crazy, gold-digger extortionist or any of those false, slanderous, typical cop "nuts and sluts" defensive accusations recently hurled at me and written in open social media sources. In fact, if he had just accepted our separation like a gentleman, apologized and not threatened and acted to "make crazy" in my life, this blog would never have been not written nor seen the binary code of the Internet.  

I gave all I had to Bernie: my loyalty, trust, time, concern, support, dedication and love. I was there for him, faithful to his numerous demands, believed in him and stood for him when most others ran in the other direction. Bernard Kerik took my sweet generous genuine spirit, and with his lies, deception and manipulation, turned it ugly, damaged and barren. Yes, I'm sad, deeply hurt and have learned the hard lessons through loss. Yes, my life is being "destroyed" as Bernie threatened and allegedly directed. Yet, my concern and deepest sadness remains with the Bernie I knew from prison that had a single, precious opportunity, upon release from prison, to start life anew with honesty, integrity, dignity and courage. In my opinion and painful experience, he squandered that opportunity. My experience proves he is not changed at all by going to prison.  Even through my own pain, I pity him. It may have been the best comeback story ever....

Once again it is proven the cover-up, secret or lies proved worse than the deed itself. Our relationship, upon release, at my insistence, had simmered to an intimate close friendship. There was nothing of any inappropriate nature to hide at that point. I feel Bernie has lived that "cloak and dagger" lie so many times that he may be unable at this point to manage an honest, open, platonic relationship with anyone, especially a female. Tragic. Some people just like to throw it away. He did. He does. He will.

You may ask if I miss "my Pal" but I have accepted he never really existed at all. All of it has been reduced to the manipulation magic and deception Bernie has mastered all his life. It's as trying to hug an apparition. There were tumultuous times over the last three years; I fought to keep this relationship with Bernie. I agree one must earn their way out before exiting. However, when your livelihood and safety are on the line, it's wise to surrender to the quick get-away. So I bid goodbye to the "Hey You", beautiful long rides that lead to you, E3 coffee, purple plastic chairs, all our words, the intimate signature bxo, waiting all day for that 3-minute phone call, the commissary Drakkar noire cologne on my letters and the "M" Mariah perfume on his...

This blog is how I’ve chosen to express myself. Over-sharing is tedious. I'd rather chew glass than expose myself. I had this suspicion exposing these truths were the impetus of all the threats. This blog was truly my last of all attempts for peace. Maybe this blog will supply the anecdote to all Bernie's secrets and what's been missing so far: the power and force of truth....

Bernard Kerik plead guilty to multiple felonies admitting he essentially lied, deceived and cheated his own government. Why did I believe he would be true to me? I believe in second chances, redemption, lessons learned and love. Good people have extended that grace to me along the way. I keep all I possess by giving it away. I was wrong. I am paying the price. This, too, shall pass and I pray I will be enriched by the lessons. 

Forgiveness is always part of the plan. Bernard Kerik has unfinished business with me. I am the only one he can’t buy, bribe, threaten or intimidate into silence. I’ve received no apology, amends or restitution from Bernie. I’ve always said a hand-written apology letter on yellow-lined paper along with a bank check in reimbursement and restitution in the amount of $93000 will be apology enough for me. I choose to neither see nor hear from Bernard Kerik ever again…never ever never, again….

So now who do you think should ultimately have a greater concern about being "revealed" to the public? You can decide. 

Bernard Kerik has a new book to be published March, 2015 entitled “From Jailer to Jailed”. Now you see how Bernie’s “journey” would be incomplete or deceptive without mention of me and my daily support of him. I do not know what happened to my three years work product writing, editing, archiving Bernie’s writing. I do know a few weeks after I sent him all the final original documents, he picked a fight and conjured a reason to rid me from his life refusing a plan for compensation or permission to use my work in his book. Should Threshold Editions, Simon & Schuster allow that, it would only bolster Bernard Kerik’s proven history as a liar, con, psychopath and all around despicable human being void of a moral compass and good conscience.